Today is probably my last day I get to spend with Nanook. I’ve tried so hard.. she’s fought so hard.. but it’s not getting any better. All her ribs are showing.. it’s been 7 days without food. I tried feeding her soft food the last two days but she threw it all up. Last night I was up with her all night because she was throwing up constantly all night. I am at a loss to what to do now. It kills me to come to the actual realization of this but my mom told me last night that it’s probably best I put her down and end her pain.
I just feel like I didn’t give her enough time to get better. I’m scared that I’ll do it and then what if she would have gotten better the next day or something?! I’m just scared period of the fact that she won’t be alive anymore. She is only 7 months old… she didn’t even get a chance to really live. She was my first dog.. my pride and joy. I love her so much. God I’m crying a river just writing this.
I just don’t understand why just last week she was running around..barking.. jumping on me… trying to eat the cookie batter I was making for my trip to Oklahoma.. and then the next day BAM. She is throwing up everywhere. I just don’t understand and don’t think I ever will. It frustrates me and confuses me. I just want my puppy. The dog I’ve wanted since I was a little kid. The dog I took everywhere with me. The dog everyone at my apartment complex knew by name even if they messed up how to pronounce it. The dog that literally slept by my side every single night in my bed and was always so happy to see me everytime I walked through the door.
And I only got to spend 5 months with the best dog I ever had. How is this fair. Why didn’t the past week of spending every minute with her giving her medicine… staying up all night to make sure she had someone to pet her and clean up the mess after she threw up.. being there to carry her outside just to go potty because she is too weak to even walk outside herself…just putting my body next to hers for warmth and so she knew I was with her… why couldn’t it have worked.
Today.. I’m losing my best friend, my companion, my child. I love you Nanook. Always. I’m sorry we couldn’t have spent our lives together.. I wish so much we could have.